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33 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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What makes a good apology? |
-Facing the offended party in person -naming of the specific act -acknowledging harm was done and assurance it will not be repeated -apology must be explicitly offered and responsibility excepted -sincere expression of regret, sorrow and loss -offer of reparation? (Make it up to them?) |
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Three problematic types of apology |
-Compelled -Expedient -Delayed or Surrogate |
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What is Expedient apology? |
- often arranged in private, merely benefits the one who offers the apology and provides little or no benefit for the person who was harmed -“say sorry so we can move on” |
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What is compelled apology? |
-a compelled apology may be empty because it is offered without an adequate understanding of the full effect of one’s actions -forced apology from another person |
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What is a Delayed or Surrogate apology? |
-someone far removed from the wrongdoing accepts responsibility for the harm and offers an apology on behalf of people no longer present -government apologies (Indian Act) |
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What is the point of an apology? |
-heal the relationship (repair or rebuild a social bond that has been damaged or destroyed) -Individual Integrity & Character (personal choice to express regret for harm caused) |
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When is it easiest to accept an apology? |
When it is an elaborate apology where the offender takes full responsibility and the severity of harm is low |
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When is it hardest to accept an apology? |
When it is a perfunctory apology where the offender does not take responsibility and the severity of harm is high |
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Define forgiveness |
Relinquishing the RIGHT to retaliate after some form of INJURY and releasing or letting go of ANGER, SHAME, REVENGE, and RESENTMENT over time |
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Does forgiveness always involve reconciliation? |
It may or may not Two sides: some argue forgiveness can occur without reconciliation, while others argue that it cannot |
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What is the key to more forgiving people? What are the other aspects of more forgiving people? |
Are more emotionally empathetic Engage in less rumination Have better health (mental and physical) with less anxiety, depression, lower blood pressure and less CVD |
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What are the 3 aspects of forgiving? |
Forgiving others Receiving forgiveness Self-forgiveness |
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What are the 6 types of forgiveness? |
Restitutional forgiveness - granting of forgiveness to relieve guilt or after restoration of what we lost Expectational forgiveness - forgiveness in response to social pressure from others Revengeful forgiveness - forgiveness is only possible after retaliation which parallels the other persons pain Lawful expectations forgiveness - following a moral code or authority such as religious conviction or court mandated Forgiveness as an act of love - hurtful acts do not alter love commitment Social harmony - forgiveness granted as means of reducing social friction & maintaining peace |
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What does conflict prevention mean? |
We do not want to end conflict totally, but we are preventing destructive conflict and promoting constructive conflict |
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What are some anger management techniques? |
Keep an anger diary Self-talk Relaxation techniques |
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2 general approaches of couple relationship education |
Inventories (fill out a survey) Skills training |
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Who goes to relationship education? |
New relationships Transitions Distressed couples |
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What are 3 recommendations for researchers & practitioners? |
- the surprising stability of relationship satisfaction -the powerful roles that personal histories, personalities, and stress play in determining relationship outcomes -the tendency to deliver preventive and educational interventions in the same format as therapies for distressed couples |
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What are 2 main dimensions of intervention? |
Partnership (degree of support; alliance formed) Settlement (degree of involvement: resolution) |
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What are the 5 degrees of support? |
Informer - provides info and facts, nothing more Advisor - gives opinions about conflict management and assists in devising strategies Advocate - steps forward publicly to pled the cause of the people they support, such as a sponsor who invoked their reputation and social standing for the benefit of someone else Ally - accepts personal burden for the good of others; use own resources to aid person they support & share the jeopardy of party in conflict Surrogate role (ultimate sacrifice)- step in and substitute yourself for one of principals in conflict |
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Define Scapegoat |
Not appointed in advance & compelled to participate unwillingly |
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What are the 5 levels of involvement? |
Friendly Peacemakers - Support both without taking sides (use physical separation, restraint, distraction) Mediators - don’t take sides but encourage to mutually agreeable settlement Arbitrators - decides a resolution without any input from the other parties Judges - addresses the issue, makes a decision, enforced the judgement Repressive Peacemakers - goal to stop/end the conflict as quickly as possible with both parties deemed wrong and are punished |
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Who was most likely to intervene in all conflict except marital? |
Daughters .56 |
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Where did Daughters intervene the most, with which two members? |
Father and child |
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How did children and parents intervene? |
Children more likely to use distraction Parents more likely to use authority With moms more likely to use mediation where father more likely to use authority |
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What are the three main types of response to conflict? |
Intervention - step in and solve, punish or ask partner Coaching - give advice, explain feelings Non-involvement - Ignore or tell siblings to work out their problem |
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What is formal mediation? |
A skilled third party is someone who is trained in intervention and who does not have a vested interest in a specific outcome |
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What are the 2 formal mediation models? |
Solution-focused - mediation must generate a written solution Transformative - any improvement in understanding the other person is considered a “success”, no written solution necessary |
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3 formal mediation strategies |
Goal substitution Goal abandonment Changing the bottom line |
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What are the limitations to formal mediation? |
Overused and conflict parties don’t make their own decision |
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What are the 4 issues in formal family mediation? |
Gatekeeper - May need to ask permission to gain access to the family problem Powerlessness - all family members feel powerless Negotiating Skills - mediators themselves sometimes need to use mediation Mediator personal bias - not supposed to take sides or favour one family role because of personal experience |
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What were the results of the two studies on training parents? |
They found more compromise for the mediation group and the control group had an extremely high rate of no resolution. Children also resolved more conflicts in the mediation group |
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Should parents intervene in conflict. |
It depends... age? Preschoolers - encourages internalization of moral rules concerning harm -modelling or reasoning and emotion regulation - scaffolding which is building on parents needs For teens - to expand their independence it would be best to not involve yourself in their conflict but they suggest spending more time with a teen child |
