July 15, 2015, the day had finally arrived. Today was the day that I had been waiting for since 7th grade and had spent the entire second semester preparing for. As I stood in the airport surrounded by twelve of my closest friends and thirteen leaders, waiting to board our plane, I was unaware of the impact this trip was about to have on my life. Little did I know, this trip was about to be the one I forever remembered as the moment my faith stopped being about others, and became my relationship with God. I grew up in a Christian home. My dad was a pastor and my mom was a stay at home mom. We had a church we called home for a good portion of our life. I grew up going to church every Sunday morning, and whatever night the mid week service
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I am not emotional at all, nor do I cry in front of people, but I was sitting at the table listening to worship and I had to stop singing because I had tears in my eyes, and I didn 't know why. The next night we were out in the chapel for worship and I wrote in my journal that “I feel like I am trying to get to God, but every time I try taking a step, something comes my way that stops me”. That night I ended up talking with Rob, one of the leaders that went on the trip with us. I explained to him that I want God, but I don 't know how to get there. I began to tell him my story; “I’ve always been a Christian because it was how I was raised, and part of me wants that life, but part of me does not”. He was talking to me and he said, “There comes a time when you need to make your relationship with God your own. It can not be your parents or your friends anymore, it has to be yours.” For some reason this rang a bell in my head, like I had heard that phrase before. Suddenly a flood of emotions went through me as the words my dad had spoken to me all those years ago echoed through my head. That night I wrote in my journal. I wrote, “I would like to see you like never before. I want to feel you. I want to be moved by you. I’m forgetting everything, all the drama, all the comfort, all the wanting to be liked, and I just want to open heartedly be there for you. I ask you to give me strength when I feel weak and give me courage when I fear, but most importantly, let me see you. Let me see you in the most unreal way possible. Just completely wreck me for you
I am not emotional at all, nor do I cry in front of people, but I was sitting at the table listening to worship and I had to stop singing because I had tears in my eyes, and I didn 't know why. The next night we were out in the chapel for worship and I wrote in my journal that “I feel like I am trying to get to God, but every time I try taking a step, something comes my way that stops me”. That night I ended up talking with Rob, one of the leaders that went on the trip with us. I explained to him that I want God, but I don 't know how to get there. I began to tell him my story; “I’ve always been a Christian because it was how I was raised, and part of me wants that life, but part of me does not”. He was talking to me and he said, “There comes a time when you need to make your relationship with God your own. It can not be your parents or your friends anymore, it has to be yours.” For some reason this rang a bell in my head, like I had heard that phrase before. Suddenly a flood of emotions went through me as the words my dad had spoken to me all those years ago echoed through my head. That night I wrote in my journal. I wrote, “I would like to see you like never before. I want to feel you. I want to be moved by you. I’m forgetting everything, all the drama, all the comfort, all the wanting to be liked, and I just want to open heartedly be there for you. I ask you to give me strength when I feel weak and give me courage when I fear, but most importantly, let me see you. Let me see you in the most unreal way possible. Just completely wreck me for you