I was born and raised in St.Petersburg Florida.
I've been going to church for as long as I can remember, it has never been an unfamiliar place for me. My mother started going to church shortly after I was born after my father had left. I always remember being a happy child when I was young. My mother started homeschooling my older brother and me when we were in elementary school at this point we were living with her boyfriend. Until this point in life, I had never had any type of father figure, I was overwhelmed with happiness and excitement, I thought for the first time I'm going to be ”normal”, I'm going to have someone I can call my dad, something I had always longed for. It wasn't long until I realized the feelings weren't mutual. I became …show more content…
It didn't help that I was homeschooled and wasn't allowed to have any friends. I felt isolated and unloved. At this point, we weren't going to church but maybe once a month. My feelings of anger and loneliness continued until I was 12 and things started to get darker. There were arguing and physical fighting between my mother and her boyfriend, it lasted for 11 months which to me felt like 11 years before he finally left us. I finally felt peace and safety. I lived at my grandparent's house for the next year before moving into a condo with my mother, brother, and I. This was the first time I was happy again, nothing seemed to bother me very much, life was great. We started going to church again and everyone was happy. My brother got involved in the church and I remember asking one night if I could go to the high school youth group because I had just started 9th grade. I went and I LOVED it, I wanted to go back every single week, it was fun and I made lots of friends. I actually understood the teachings which were something I found hard to do in the past and I started to read my Bible and pray. I was so grateful to have a tight-knit core group of friends, I thought we …show more content…
My mother become more and more of an angry person and took her anger out on me, at first I didn't let it bother me too much, I would tell myself it's fine, distraction was key. I didn't realize at first but during this time my friends and I were all become farther and farther apart until they wouldn't even talk to me. It made me sad and angry, I became depressed. I didn't know what I did to deserve this, I became angry at myself and at God. I stopped reading my Bible and eventually stopped praying, I didn't care at this point. I would always think about how the world would be a better place without me, all I wanted to do was die. I became depressed, I began to cut myself and that eased the pain of life temporarily. My life soon began to revolve around hating myself. I was the farthest I've ever come from God. It was May of 2017 that I was finally seeking help, I talked about my struggles with a few people at my church but I felt like no one truly understood what was happening in my life, it was still hard for me to be completely honest and open. A few months after I still remember this night so clearly, I had spent the whole day sighing with my mother and brother and I was done, I told her how I actually felt
I've been going to church for as long as I can remember, it has never been an unfamiliar place for me. My mother started going to church shortly after I was born after my father had left. I always remember being a happy child when I was young. My mother started homeschooling my older brother and me when we were in elementary school at this point we were living with her boyfriend. Until this point in life, I had never had any type of father figure, I was overwhelmed with happiness and excitement, I thought for the first time I'm going to be ”normal”, I'm going to have someone I can call my dad, something I had always longed for. It wasn't long until I realized the feelings weren't mutual. I became …show more content…
It didn't help that I was homeschooled and wasn't allowed to have any friends. I felt isolated and unloved. At this point, we weren't going to church but maybe once a month. My feelings of anger and loneliness continued until I was 12 and things started to get darker. There were arguing and physical fighting between my mother and her boyfriend, it lasted for 11 months which to me felt like 11 years before he finally left us. I finally felt peace and safety. I lived at my grandparent's house for the next year before moving into a condo with my mother, brother, and I. This was the first time I was happy again, nothing seemed to bother me very much, life was great. We started going to church again and everyone was happy. My brother got involved in the church and I remember asking one night if I could go to the high school youth group because I had just started 9th grade. I went and I LOVED it, I wanted to go back every single week, it was fun and I made lots of friends. I actually understood the teachings which were something I found hard to do in the past and I started to read my Bible and pray. I was so grateful to have a tight-knit core group of friends, I thought we …show more content…
My mother become more and more of an angry person and took her anger out on me, at first I didn't let it bother me too much, I would tell myself it's fine, distraction was key. I didn't realize at first but during this time my friends and I were all become farther and farther apart until they wouldn't even talk to me. It made me sad and angry, I became depressed. I didn't know what I did to deserve this, I became angry at myself and at God. I stopped reading my Bible and eventually stopped praying, I didn't care at this point. I would always think about how the world would be a better place without me, all I wanted to do was die. I became depressed, I began to cut myself and that eased the pain of life temporarily. My life soon began to revolve around hating myself. I was the farthest I've ever come from God. It was May of 2017 that I was finally seeking help, I talked about my struggles with a few people at my church but I felt like no one truly understood what was happening in my life, it was still hard for me to be completely honest and open. A few months after I still remember this night so clearly, I had spent the whole day sighing with my mother and brother and I was done, I told her how I actually felt