In order to improve my claim, I reworded it and changed my argument. In my original paper, my claim was, “In William Shakespeare’s tragedy Macbeth, the confusion between appearance and reality demonstrates Macbeth's decline from a thoughtful man, to one awash with guilt and insanity, an finally to a naive man.” According to the rubric, claims are “clear”. My claim was not clear because I listed all the ways Macbeth changed. By listing every personality trait, it was hard to decipher what it was truly arguing. Additionally, the list was not parallel, making it even less clear. To fix these issues, i changed my claim to “the confusion of appearance versus reality demonstrates Macbeth’s downfall.” This claim is more supportable, as the essay only has to prove that the appearance versus reality demonstrates his decline, not all the characteristics that I previously listed.
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In order to change my support, I tied everything back to my thesis and used supportable and correct evidence. In my original paper, my first point was that Macbeth could manipulate appearance, in comparison to Malcolm. In the play, Macbeth doesn’t control appearance versus reality, Lady Macbeth does and all the conversation between Duncan and Macbeth shows is that Duncan cannot avoid confusion between appearance and reality. To fix this, I just cut the whole analysis. In that same paragraph, I discussed the blood imagery in Macbeth’s hallucination of the dagger. One of the comments on turnitin said that i was not “analyzing blood imagery”... and that i needed “to tie everything back to appearance and reality”. To fix this, I explained how blood imagery had changed through the play, from representing honor, to evil. Furthermore, I explained how the blood, representing evil, appearing, represented Macbeth’s decline after losing morals. I also used the phrase “shows that he is in control”, but I didn’t actually prove this statement. I ended up cutting the entire phrase to avoid the lack of support. In my second paragraph, I analyzed the hallucination of Banquo. My analysis focused on how the hallucination shows that he is insane, not ever really proving my thesis. I fixed this by showing the contrast in his behavior for when he sees the ghost and when he doesn’t and how this demonstrates his decline through his lose of control. I incorporate the concept of appearance versus reality to show that it is a tool that highlights this decline, which directly relates to my thesis. In my final paragraph, I argued that Macbeth is naive, which he really wasn’t. I also supported that the confusion versus reality caused the decline, not that it demonstrated it as my thesis said. To fix this, I changed my argument to “Macbeth’s final confusion between appearance and reality demonstrates that Macbeth is blinded by ambition”, which supported my thesis and wasn’t inherently wrong. Once I changed my topic sentence, I went back and made an argument that supported this sentence and tied back to my thesis. To improve my organization, I added a transition in my introduction, discussed more than one event in my second paragraph and included downfall in my last topic sentence. In my introduction, I jump from my quote to Macbeth. This was a significant flaw in my organization, so I added some transition and relation to other works of literature and real life. Another downfall in my support was making a whole paragraph devoted to one event, Macbeth’s hallucination of
In order to change my support, I tied everything back to my thesis and used supportable and correct evidence. In my original paper, my first point was that Macbeth could manipulate appearance, in comparison to Malcolm. In the play, Macbeth doesn’t control appearance versus reality, Lady Macbeth does and all the conversation between Duncan and Macbeth shows is that Duncan cannot avoid confusion between appearance and reality. To fix this, I just cut the whole analysis. In that same paragraph, I discussed the blood imagery in Macbeth’s hallucination of the dagger. One of the comments on turnitin said that i was not “analyzing blood imagery”... and that i needed “to tie everything back to appearance and reality”. To fix this, I explained how blood imagery had changed through the play, from representing honor, to evil. Furthermore, I explained how the blood, representing evil, appearing, represented Macbeth’s decline after losing morals. I also used the phrase “shows that he is in control”, but I didn’t actually prove this statement. I ended up cutting the entire phrase to avoid the lack of support. In my second paragraph, I analyzed the hallucination of Banquo. My analysis focused on how the hallucination shows that he is insane, not ever really proving my thesis. I fixed this by showing the contrast in his behavior for when he sees the ghost and when he doesn’t and how this demonstrates his decline through his lose of control. I incorporate the concept of appearance versus reality to show that it is a tool that highlights this decline, which directly relates to my thesis. In my final paragraph, I argued that Macbeth is naive, which he really wasn’t. I also supported that the confusion versus reality caused the decline, not that it demonstrated it as my thesis said. To fix this, I changed my argument to “Macbeth’s final confusion between appearance and reality demonstrates that Macbeth is blinded by ambition”, which supported my thesis and wasn’t inherently wrong. Once I changed my topic sentence, I went back and made an argument that supported this sentence and tied back to my thesis. To improve my organization, I added a transition in my introduction, discussed more than one event in my second paragraph and included downfall in my last topic sentence. In my introduction, I jump from my quote to Macbeth. This was a significant flaw in my organization, so I added some transition and relation to other works of literature and real life. Another downfall in my support was making a whole paragraph devoted to one event, Macbeth’s hallucination of