Does Divorce Affects Children

In what ways can marriage be positive; and how does it affect children? Most often divorce is associated with negative connotations, but marriage can be positive in a number of ways. Although, how often does this affect children? Not as much as you might think. Research has proven that kids are affected, but it’s typically only short term. Children and adolescents are more affected when they don’t have a say in the divorce. Single parenting gets a lot of bad reputation, but it’s more beneficial than it’s led on to be. Divorce affects children short term (Arkowitz, Hal, and Lilienfeld, Scott). Hardly ever are they traumatized by the experience. Research shows that adolescents and children typically adjust by the second year of divorce. Most children take divorce very well, although this depends on the state the marriage was in before divorce. A high discord family will usually experience feelings of relief. However, as Arkowitz and Lilienfeld stated, mutual marital conflict may cause feelings of grief and a feeling of being unprepared for such a strong move. Children that come from divorce-wrought families are found to be more problematic than those from stable homes and may have difficulty sustaining intimate relationships when they’re older. Arkowitz and Lilienfeld states that a child's adjustment to divorce may conform to post-divorce stability. Discipline should be niether permissive or overly strict, but instead, somewhere in the middle. A child’s personality may affect how they act during times of divorce. High levels of of parental conflict during or after divorce may cause poor adjustment skills in children. Joint custody can cause problems for children and isn’t the best solution to divorce. …show more content…
(Bailey) Children almost always respond back with, “I’d rather have one solid home than move from home to home.” The idea that all parents are equal is most certainly wrong. Children often have one parent that they designate as their primary caretaker, and in some situations it can cause even more stress to the children to move from home to home. Being away from their primary caretaker for extended periods of time can be extremely stressful, and can cause anxiety. When parents split apart and no longer reside in the same homes together they each develop their own sense of parenting style that may not have been as apparent before. These different parenting styles can can anxiety and confusion in a child and is another reason that children shouldn’t be placed within joint custody homes. Supporting your children through times of divorce is important not only during the process, but before and after the process as well. (Mosier) Mosier explains that it is important not to use your children as a pawn as well as letting them adapt to divorce at their own pace. It is equally important to allow children to discuss their worries and concerns, as they are being affected by the divorce just as much as you and your (ex)spouse are. Parents should be mindful about the way they express their feelings to their children and behave around them. Parents have a direct effect on how the child reacts to the situation and just how long the effects of divorce will last. Often times children try to blame themselves for their parent’s divorce, so it’s important for the parents to express that the relationship simply was not in the family’s best interest and to ensure the child knows it is not their fault. “The parents should be getting a divorce from one another, not their children,” says Mosier, “Leave what led to the divorce fairly general … too much detail may confuse young children even more .. [They] blame themselves for everything that happens around them.” A calm and collected parent is the one the child will most likely cling to. Parents should also work together to reduce putting the blame on one another, and children should actively receive the devastating news from both parents at once, not separately. It’s important that the idea of reconciliation not be thrown around to avoid giving the children false hope and parents should explain how divorce will impact their lives and when they may see the other parent again. Since children