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62 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
positive self esteem
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you feel ok with yourself and don't rely on others
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loneliness
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disomfort associated with physical or physcological discomfort
number one motivator for seeking a relationship search and the worst reason to do so |
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relationship dialectics theory
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argues that people in a relationship experience dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires
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contact stage
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there is some kind of perceptual contact - you see, hear, read a msg from or perhaps smell the person
from this you form a mental and physical picture |
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relationship dissolution stage
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the bonds between the individuals are broken
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relationship repair
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is not always pursued
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relationship deterioration stage
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is characterized by a weakening of the bonds between the friends or lovers
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involvement stage
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a sense of mutuality of being connected develops
learning more about the other person |
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intimacy stage
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you commit yourself still further to the other person and establish a relationship in which this person becomes your best friend lover or companion
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rules theory
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relationships-friendships and love in particular- are held together by adherence to certain rules
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attraction theory
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holds that people form relationships on the basis of attraction
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5 major factors of attraction
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similarity
proximity reinforcement physical attractivness personality, socio-economic and educational status |
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ventilation hypothesis
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notion that expressing emotions allows you to ventilate your negative feelings
has a positive effect on physical, mental and interpersonal relationships |
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james-lange theory of emotion
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event occurs
respond physiologically experience emotion |
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cognitive labeling theory of emotion
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event occurs
respond physiologically intrpret this arousal (what emotion) experience the emotion |
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flexibility
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quality of thinking and behaving in which you vary your messages based on the unique situation in which you find yourself
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display rules
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govern what is and what is not permissable emotional communication
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blended emotions
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combinations of primary emotions pg 163 chp 7
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primary emotions
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8 basic:
joy acceptance fear surprise saddness discust anger anticipation |
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conversation
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is the front door to new relationships
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owning feelings
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take ownership/possesion of your emotions
stop blaming others control your behavior you choose to control or not |
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emotional contagen
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emotions are contagious
passed from one person to another |
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emotions (feelings)
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non-cognitive reactions
no thought component occur quickly without thought people who have more control are more productive |
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EQ
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Emotional Quotient
EQ tells you what feels good IQ tells you consiquences EQ & IQ always fight for power |
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Apology
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expression of regret for something you did
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Reason
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logical explanations for behavior
excuse and reason are not the same |
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excuse
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attempt to make you feel like they did something and to minimize why they did it
lesson negative implications |
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disclaimer
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not taking ownership that it is a fact "based on the info I have right now" use with the right motive
statement that aims to insure that your msg will be understood and will not reflect negatively on you |
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patronizing/condecinding
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people with ngative insecure ego talk down to others to make themselves feel better
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downward communication
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messages sent from higher levels to lower levels of hierarchy
people who speak to upper and lower with same respect are generally liked |
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upward communication
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messages sent from lower levels to upper levels of hierarchy
provides management with feedback gives lower levels a sense of belonging |
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self disclosure
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to reveal intamate details about yourself with caution
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5 dimensions of feedback
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positive/negative
supportive/critical person focused/ message focused immediate/delayed low monitoring/high monitoring |
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feedback
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response
needs to be a priority in conversation |
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3 steps to avoid loneliness
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1. make sure your best friend is yourself
2. stay busy no matter what you do (volunteer or part time job) 3. no matter what stage of life you are in go back to school (education, organizations-built in excuse to be social) |
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2 types of loneliness
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physical-proximity to people
2. physcological- the person you want to be with insn't there or too shy with the people that are there *be able to have a conversation/make a move |
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correction mechanism
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use a calender to mark each day whether you had more pain or pleasure in a specific relationship
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six-stage model of relationships
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1.contact-physical/actual, interactual
2. involvment-testing intensifying (spend more time in this stage) 3. intamacy- interpersonal commitment/social bonding 4. deterioration-dissatisfaction/deterioration 5. repair or dissolution |
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contact
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is limited by the "pool" in which you live- travel gives more opportunity for contact
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involvement
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get past superficial conversations
spend about 4-6 months make a decision if you want to go further |
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intimacy
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characterized by the fact that you would rather spend time with this person than others
re-commit everyday |
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deterioration
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relationship is breaking up
both of you spend less discressionary time together (less laughter/more critizism) about 18month-2yrs |
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repair
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want it to work
seek external assistance (men fight external advice-don't like disclosure and female will have an ally) |
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external assistance--don't go to
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- mutual friends
- family members - clergy/church counseling |
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external assistance--do go
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-liscensed counselor(standard issues)
-physcologist(physcological/anger issues) |
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relationship dialectics theory
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argues that people in a relationship experience dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires
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social exchange theory
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claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize your profits
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social penetration theory
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theory not of why relationships develop but of what happens when they do develop
describes relationships in terms of the number of topics that people talk about and the degree of "personalnes" |
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equity theory
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uses the ideas of social exchange, but goes a step farther and claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of your rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partners
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relationship maintenance
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behaviors that serve to continue(maintain,retain) your relationship
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relatinship license
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license to violate some relatinship expectation. custom, or rule (ex. taste each others food)
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empathy
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enables you to understand emotionally what another person is experiencing from their point of view without losing your identity
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jealousy
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reaction to relationship threat
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relationship disengagement
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strategy for getting out of a relationship
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dissolution
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disolve the previous relationship and replace with another
ie.. friends or enemies after a divorce |
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relationship redefinition
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restructure a reltionship so that each of you can matain positive contact
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narrative
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give positive feedback
ie.. letter stating"I don't regret divorce so we can both have a better life; I will miss things about you; can we still be friends for benefit of kids etc... if you want to call please do" |
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conflict
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situation created when people are confronted by competitive or mutually exclusive goals
ie.. one person will get validictorian/ two people have opportunity to marry specific person |
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deal killer
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is it worth it? pick the times to win the argument, choose if winning is more important or if relatinship is
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beltlining
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"to hit below the belt" with words or comments (push each others buttons)
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conflict management stages
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define the conflict
examine possible solutions test solution evaluate solution accept or reject solution exit conflict |
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face-enhancing strategies
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strategies that support and confirm a person's positive face(praise or smile)
or negative face(give the person space, ask rather than demand) |