Use LEFT and RIGHT arrow keys to navigate between flashcards;
Use UP and DOWN arrow keys to flip the card;
H to show hint;
A reads text to speech;
109 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
declaration of love-reciprocation of love
|
both partners want to express their love, but the actual dialogue allows the pair to gradually work up to explicit declarations.
|
|
declaration of love-pseudo-reciprocation of love
|
instances when the other partner's readiness to reciprocate "I love you" is incorrectly assessed.
There's a confusion |
|
declaration of love-refutation of love
|
the declarer again misconstrues the partner's readiness to reciprocate, but instead of simply being "confused", the partner is clearly unready to reciprocate.
|
|
Things people do or say to show their commitment to their partner:
|
- provide affection
- provide support - maintain integrity - share companionship - make effort to communicate - show respect - create relational future - create positive relationship atmosphere - work together on relationship problems - express comittment |
|
How to communicate effectively with their commitment
|
1) use repetition and redundancy
2) Use unqualified, absolute statements 3) Talk about future relationship awards 4) Make public statements about commitment to relationship 5) Make your statements more permanent (in writing) 6) Do things that show effort 7) Initiate at least as much as you respond. |
|
Lee's Theory of Love
|
1)Love can manifest itself in many different ways
2)Different people can have different orientations/styles of loving (think of them as the Primary colors and secondary colors) |
|
Lore of Beauty
|
passionate and intense. Attracted to physical beauty. Eager for quick self-disclosure and physical intimacy. Experience strong peaks and valleys.
|
|
Playful Love
|
love to play the game. Often more concerned with other things than relationships (work). Playing the game is as rewarding as winning the prize. Likes variety and good times. Problems arise when partner desires a deeper commitment.
|
|
Self-Disclosure
|
significant intimate secrets; reveal things to someone that others don't know.
-relationships are maintained by this. |
|
Functions of Self-Disclosure
|
a. expressive
b. Seeking validation c. Clarification d. Relationship Development e. Information giving f. Impression management g. Seeking advice |
|
Expressive - sd
|
a need to be heard
|
|
Seeking validation - sd
|
understanding, knowing that it's ok
|
|
Clarification - sd
|
Someone to work through ideas with them
|
|
Relationship Development - sd
|
to understand each other better - to listen carefully
|
|
Information giving - sd
|
ex) Doctor visits
|
|
Impression Management - sd
|
we assume secrets aren't lies, used as a way of manipulation
|
|
Seeking Advice - sd
|
too much advice has no impact
give advice when people ask for it |
|
Information giving - sd
|
ex) Doctor visits
|
|
Correlates of Personality - sd
|
1) shyness
2) self-esteem 3) sex(gender) - equal, girls receive more discloure and want more response. |
|
Correlates of Behavior - sd
|
1) Dyadic Effect
2) Interruptions - shut up to disclose 3) Alcohol - reduces inhibitions, more disclosure |
|
Dyadic Effect
|
matching in both breadth and depth (in self-disclosure)
|
|
Correlates of Environment - sd
|
1) Lighting - more comfortable
2) fewer participants = more intimate setting |
|
Evaluation of Sd
|
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad boys: not supposed to, good |
|
Evaluation of Sd
|
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad boys: not supposed to, good |
|
Evaluation of Sd
|
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad boys: not supposed to, good |
|
Couples and sd
|
1) Matching
2) Why not? - attribution conflict 3) Satisfaction - more disclosure, if matching 4) Relation length - disclosure goes down unless there's a big change 5) working vs at home |
|
Couples and sd
|
1) Matching
2) Why not? - attribution conflict 3) Satisfaction - more disclosure, if matching 4) Relation length - disclosure goes down unless there's a big change 5) working vs at home |
|
Who to disclose to more? mom or dad?
|
Depends on:
1) Availability 2) Getting it 3) Evaluation 4) Trust 5) Topic |
|
Children and sd
|
1) mom vs dad
2) satisfaction, ex) disclose to mother=more happy 3) Amount discrepancy 4) Parents vs. Peers |
|
Children and sd
|
1) mom vs dad
2) satisfaction, ex) disclose to mother=more happy 3) Amount discrepancy 4) Parents vs. Peers |
|
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
|
rewards and cost in terms of relationship, why ppl stay in a relationship.
|
|
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
|
rewards and cost in terms of relationship, why ppl stay in a relationship.
- We think of relationships in economic terms - we tally up costs and compare them to rewards |
|
Elements of Relationships with SET
|
a) costs: elements of relational life with negative values. ex) friends calls for support despite the fact that you need to study.
b) Rewards: elements of relational life with positive values |
|
The Social Exchange Perspective
|
- is it worth our time, our money?
worth=rewards - cost - people look at all matters of equity |
|
Positive relationships in SET
|
Rewards > costs
|
|
Negative relationships in SET
|
rewards < costs
|
|
Outcome in SET
|
whether we stay or leave the relationship
|
|
Assumption about human nature (SET)
|
1) we seek rewards and avoid punishments, we follow rules
2) we are rational beings, older sibling example 3) standards vary - there is diversity, costs are different in one's eyes |
|
Assumption about the nature of the relationship (SET)
|
1) Relationships are interdependent, ex: Prisoner's dilemna
2) relational life is a process, time and experiences guides our judgment, guiding changes |
|
Comparison level (CL)
|
what to receive based on costs and rewards, a standard
- what influences our expectations |
|
Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt)
|
how we evaluate relationships based on realistic alternatives, how likely we are to leave a satisfying relationship for a better one
|
|
Behavioral sequences (SET)
|
a series of actions designed to achieve a goal.
|
|
Power (SET) : the degree of dependence a person has on another for outcomes.
|
1) Fate control - control other person's fate, ex: withholding friendship
2) Behavior control, ex: a friend calls, you answer |
|
Matrices (SET)
|
exchange patters, how to cope
|
|
Effective matrix
|
transformations able to be made to our given matrix, not trapped, but restrictive
|
|
Given matrix
|
the hand your dealt in life
- constraings on choice and outcomes due to environment or skill set. |
|
Dispositional
|
beliefs we have in relationships.
ex) Bob and Sue believe they'll stick together. |
|
Direct Exchange (SET)
|
Confined to 2 people, reciprocated costs and rewards
ex) son washes car, dad lets him take it out |
|
Generalized Exchange
|
recepient responds to another person.
ex: moving to another person. |
|
Productive Exchange
|
both give, both benefit from the same reward
|
|
Networking
|
how to use relationships and how networking works - it is everything in life.
-woman know more -both genders can network |
|
Social support
|
your neighbors, friends, they look out for you
-people with more do better in life and live longer |
|
organizational networking
|
working in an organization, business
men are far better |
|
Principle goals of networking
|
people to remember you
task performance still matters it isn't who you know, it is who knows you keep connecting, find excuses to meet new people natural tendecy to be with people we know |
|
Networking skills
|
a) You have a bigger network than you think
b) Never underestimate the value of "connecting" c) Don't burn bridges d) Keep in touch e) do favors that cost you little and gain you a lot, be proactive f) Keep records - stay personal g) exercise your network g) befriend those without friends i) Become the parent of the relationship j) differentiate bw power and position k) seek out opportunities to expand your network l) proximity, proximity, proximity m) remember "Thumper's rule" - don't be negative n) Manage your disclosure |
|
Investment theory
|
more favors I do, the more I owe
your strongest advocate will make you successful |
|
Keys for effective narratives
|
- has a point
- told quickly - ppl need to sense you care about it - inclusive - suspense - vivid detail - validate basic values - is personal - use factoids - interesting facts that are revelant |
|
dispositional shyness
|
"she's just shy."
|
|
situational shyness
|
embarassing situation, everyone suffers
|
|
Dispositional correlates
|
how shyness is shown:
a) educational b) Occupational c) Relational |
|
Reinforcement model (shyness)
|
3 things shape shyness
1) punishment - "be quiet" 2) Non-responsiveness - we give up if there is no response 3) Learned helplessness - ex: dog treat - dog starved himself to death |
|
Systematic desensitization
|
relaxes you, start process over again until full speech is given in a relaxing environment
ex: basketball free throws |
|
cognitive restructuring
|
they challenge beliefs of unrealism
|
|
visualization
|
visualize postive results in your head
ex: golfing practice |
|
Skills training
|
"I am shy, therefore I avoid communication events."
|
|
Conspicuousness - shyness
|
ex: modesl think 'they're watching my body, not me'
shifting attention to others thinking creates nervousness |
|
Causes of Situational Shyness
|
a) conspicuousness
b) rigid rules - rules strap you c) labels - have huge consequences d) evaluation - judgements make us nervous e) novelty/ambiguity - ex: walking into a party knowing no one |
|
Momentary friendship
|
preschool friends, typically very young people
|
|
One-way friendship
|
you think you're friends, by they don't know
|
|
Fair weather friendship
|
friends when everything is good, leave when bad.
|
|
Mutual sharing friendship
|
do everything with them, that one best friend
|
|
Autonomous friendship
|
your friends have friends, no jealousy, possessive involved
|
|
Associative friendships
|
adult friendship
shared friends by association, based on common association never tell these a secret |
|
Receptive friendships
|
adult friendship
same as one way |
|
Reciprocal friendship
|
best friends, good friends, there is self disclosure, interaction, and postivity
|
|
Relational dominance
|
whose the boss of friends in the relationship?
one side gives up their friends |
|
Men and friendship
|
men have more friends
more activity based |
|
women and friendship
|
women have deeper friendships
more talk based |
|
Functions of friendship
|
1) utility
2) pleasure 3) virtue |
|
Loneliness
|
- it's perceived
- it's natural - lonely ppl have a more negative view on things - no gender difference |
|
leadership
|
it is a communicative and relational process we imagine a leader in terms of who, not what. it is much related to communication and relationships leaders are only as powerful as the ideas they communicate |
|
Effective leaders
|
influence and persuade others
listen seek first to understand, then to be understood listen to your favorite topic: ourselves say your favorite word: our names be a great question asker and an active listener |
|
politeness theory
|
how we communicate affects other people
a way of treating people taking into account other people's feelings make it more complicated |
|
When are we polite?
|
- unwelcome communication
- long term relations, maintenance |
|
Why are we polite?
|
Other is socially superior
Other is socially distant Act is face threatening |
|
Face
|
way we feel and hold about ourselves
|
|
negative face
|
a need for autonomy, freedom of action, need for independence
|
|
positive face
|
a need to be liked and admired to feel good about ourselves
|
|
off record
|
help remove you from the act, indirect statements that remove the speaker from FTA
|
|
positive politeness
|
aims to disarm threats to positive face
minimizes distance between people make someone feel liked and admired |
|
negative politeness
|
avoidance baised, assurances of understanding, respecting negative face and won't interfere with their freedom of action
forgiveness, formality, apology, hedging becomes their decision, when asking rather than demanding |
|
bald on record
|
just say what we mean
involves no effort to reduce threats to face direct language used with people we know very well, in task oriented situations, and when alerting others |
|
Social comparison jealousy (envy)
|
someone has something you want, that is relevant and similar to us
|
|
Social relations jealousy
|
one perceives a threat to the relationship, due to a number of causes
|
|
Substantive (fighting)
|
fights about the issue
|
|
Procedural fighting
|
fighting about the process
|
|
Affective fighting
|
fighting about each other, eats away at the relationship ex: "You're the scum of the earth."
|
|
Pervasive affective
|
affects every part of your life.
"You live in the loser dorm since you're a loser." |
|
Persistent affective
|
"You were a loser then and you're a loser now."
all the time |
|
Exploitative fighting
|
hitting below the belt, morality, blaming the other for something they can't control, comparisons, indirect fighting, overemotional, hit and run, violence
|
|
Psyching the person out
|
mind reading, character analysis, prediction making
|
|
Conversational techniques
|
monologue, silence, constant interruptions, switching (topics, levels)
|
|
Extremities
|
overkill, never forget/forgive, unrealistic threats, irrelevant weapons
|
|
Crazy Making
|
deny obvious feelings, being intentionally inconsistent, demand something, get it, then deny you ever wanted it, build hopes, then shatter them, follow the letter of the law, psychologize, never stop, ignore/disconfirm
|
|
Deaf vs. hard of hearing
|
deafness is a hearing impairment serious enough such that the person's sense of hearing is not functional for ordinary purposes of communication, even with a hearing aid
|
|
Prelinguistic deafness
|
acquired before the acquisition of language (congenital [at birth] or before 3 years of age)
|
|
Deaf communication is characterized by:
|
multimodality - without the sense of hearing, the usual channel for natural language is missing.
|
|
Manually-coded (signed) English
|
systems for "showing English on the hands" to accompany vocal speech
|
|
American Sign Language
|
a full language in the visual-manual modality, with its own grammatical system
|