I am a 10-Gallon person who has been enduring relationships with pint size people! Oh. My. God! This is what I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say in one of Oprah's Lifeclasses on TV. It resonated so deeply with me and opened my eyes to the reason I have so often felt frustrated.
The Pint People may be actually giving me all they have, but to my 10-Gallon self, it feels like, "Is this all you got?!" I cannot change anyone or anything, but what I can control is with whom I wish to spend my energy and time. I must let go of the Pints so that I can make room for other 10-Gallon people to enter my life. Duh! I feel like I am in the midst of cleaning out my closet so I can make room for a whole new wardrobe. Yes!
When I was in college I had a very close friend. Throughout our friendship, there were many times when this person would just "disappear" or "check out". I would not hear from them and no matter how many phone messages I would leave, it was to no avail. Later I would find out that they had been going through a rough time and just went into some kind of "shell", or self-imposed isolation. I would often feel very bad about this and wondered why they didn't reach out to me or tell me. I would have been there for them if they had. To make matters worse, they would actually turn it back on ME by accusing me of being so self absorbed that I just couldn't understand what they were going through. Um, helloooooo?! Of course, not! I AM NOT A MINDREADER!!! Other times, they would avoid me because they were pissed off over something I had said or done, but they never thought to actually tell me. Basically, they had really crappy communication skills. This would bring up so many of my issues. I would start believing them and thinking that all those awful things my mother accused me of while growing up, were all true. That I was self centered, selfish, unkind, and mean. Oh, my God! I really am a horrible person! When this friend graduated from college they went on to grad school in another state, and soon after that we lost touch. Fast forward to the spring of 2011 and all of a sudden I get a message from them on Facebook. What a surprise! I had often thought of this friend and tried locating them throughout the years, without any success. (I know all you Millennials out there will have a difficult time believing this, but before there was social media, all we had was the phone book and 411. True story.) This person said that they had been looking for me as well. Then just a few months after reconnecting, they "disappeared" AGAIN. I left Facebook messages, voicemails, sent emails. . . Nothing. "Helloooooo . . . .lo. . .lo. . .lo? Anybody there. . . there. . . . . there?" . . . . . . Crickets. As Caitlin Moran, author of the hilarious book, How To Be A Woman, so aptly puts it, "You're an arsehole!" In my annoyance I "deleted" them from my life. I removed them from Facebook, my phone, and my email contacts. More than 20 years had passed and yet, nothing at all had changed. I did not want to continue this relationship with that same dynamic. What was the point? This "friendship" brought me no happiness, only frustration and aggravation. It didn't elevate me in any way and I did not like the person I became whenever I interacted with them. …show more content…
Right now they are living out of the country, but said they will be returning to the States sometime within the next year. They said they would contact me at that point and maybe we could get together. Uh-huh. That remains to be seen. Not because I don't believe that they will follow through, but because I'm not so sure I want to see them. But like the situation with my mother, I will take it one day at a time. I'm not going to obsess about what might or might not be. I did what I had to do and said what I had to say. The rest will take care of itself. I can let go and move on
The Pint People may be actually giving me all they have, but to my 10-Gallon self, it feels like, "Is this all you got?!" I cannot change anyone or anything, but what I can control is with whom I wish to spend my energy and time. I must let go of the Pints so that I can make room for other 10-Gallon people to enter my life. Duh! I feel like I am in the midst of cleaning out my closet so I can make room for a whole new wardrobe. Yes!
When I was in college I had a very close friend. Throughout our friendship, there were many times when this person would just "disappear" or "check out". I would not hear from them and no matter how many phone messages I would leave, it was to no avail. Later I would find out that they had been going through a rough time and just went into some kind of "shell", or self-imposed isolation. I would often feel very bad about this and wondered why they didn't reach out to me or tell me. I would have been there for them if they had. To make matters worse, they would actually turn it back on ME by accusing me of being so self absorbed that I just couldn't understand what they were going through. Um, helloooooo?! Of course, not! I AM NOT A MINDREADER!!! Other times, they would avoid me because they were pissed off over something I had said or done, but they never thought to actually tell me. Basically, they had really crappy communication skills. This would bring up so many of my issues. I would start believing them and thinking that all those awful things my mother accused me of while growing up, were all true. That I was self centered, selfish, unkind, and mean. Oh, my God! I really am a horrible person! When this friend graduated from college they went on to grad school in another state, and soon after that we lost touch. Fast forward to the spring of 2011 and all of a sudden I get a message from them on Facebook. What a surprise! I had often thought of this friend and tried locating them throughout the years, without any success. (I know all you Millennials out there will have a difficult time believing this, but before there was social media, all we had was the phone book and 411. True story.) This person said that they had been looking for me as well. Then just a few months after reconnecting, they "disappeared" AGAIN. I left Facebook messages, voicemails, sent emails. . . Nothing. "Helloooooo . . . .lo. . .lo. . .lo? Anybody there. . . there. . . . . there?" . . . . . . Crickets. As Caitlin Moran, author of the hilarious book, How To Be A Woman, so aptly puts it, "You're an arsehole!" In my annoyance I "deleted" them from my life. I removed them from Facebook, my phone, and my email contacts. More than 20 years had passed and yet, nothing at all had changed. I did not want to continue this relationship with that same dynamic. What was the point? This "friendship" brought me no happiness, only frustration and aggravation. It didn't elevate me in any way and I did not like the person I became whenever I interacted with them. …show more content…
Right now they are living out of the country, but said they will be returning to the States sometime within the next year. They said they would contact me at that point and maybe we could get together. Uh-huh. That remains to be seen. Not because I don't believe that they will follow through, but because I'm not so sure I want to see them. But like the situation with my mother, I will take it one day at a time. I'm not going to obsess about what might or might not be. I did what I had to do and said what I had to say. The rest will take care of itself. I can let go and move on