Now that I had a clear head I could think about this. I wasn't ignoring Ashton because he's quite clearly gay but I was ignoring him because he'd hidden this for years when I broke down to him about my sexuality. I felt lied to and...betrayed? I trusted Ashton with everything and there wasn't a single thing I didn't tell him, he was my go to person and I, for as long as I can remember, thought that I was that to him; apparently not.
But maybe that means that I should talk to him? He had a reason to hide this from me and if he remembers and he's trying to talk to me then he must have every intention of explaining to me. I know I have every right to be mad at him but ignoring him isn't the right way to deal with this situation and I know it, I guess. I'm only turning my back on my best friend when he could probably really do with me being there right now. I just feel let down that he felt like he had to keep this a secret from me; I don't think that any level of explanation will ever help me understand what made him think this was something he should be hiding. I wondered for a while about whether or not he'd told Michael and Calum. I certainly hadn't said anything to them about this and I came to a, as far as I was concerned, pretty definite conclusion that he had not told either of them because he hadn't told me yet and me and Ashton were best friends; I was always the first that he told anything to. That was something I'd always liked and felt some sense of pride towards. With a defeated sigh, I picked up my iPhone and entered into my recent menu where I hesitantly pressed down on Ashton's name. On the second ring he picked up but there was silence for a moment, from both of us. "Luke," Ashton breathed out, relief was incredibly evident in his voice, "I need to explain to you-" "So you remember," I say down the phone, it was more a statement than a question and I didn't know where to take this conversation. I suppose I should just feed him all the questions I had conjured up in my …show more content…
I had to put aside how I felt right now, otherwise everything would become biased. I had to look at this as clearly as I possibly could.
"I can't tell you why I didn't tell you Luke..." he sounded so disappointed in himself; I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around this because me and Ashton were meant to be best friends. I told him everything, I told him the things that I didn't tell anybody else - even Calum and Michael, and I thought that our friendship put him in a position where he felt the same but I was apparently and unfortunately wrong about that.
"I'm so sorry," I knew he meant it but it's not like it changed anything. I felt so many different things: confusion, anger, hurt, let down, disappointment, the list could go on.
"I tell you everything, Ash! Why did I have to find this out because I caught you in the act?" my voice rose and I knew that I was getting noticeably angry and it had to stop. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut; this wasn't fair to him, "how long have you
But maybe that means that I should talk to him? He had a reason to hide this from me and if he remembers and he's trying to talk to me then he must have every intention of explaining to me. I know I have every right to be mad at him but ignoring him isn't the right way to deal with this situation and I know it, I guess. I'm only turning my back on my best friend when he could probably really do with me being there right now. I just feel let down that he felt like he had to keep this a secret from me; I don't think that any level of explanation will ever help me understand what made him think this was something he should be hiding. I wondered for a while about whether or not he'd told Michael and Calum. I certainly hadn't said anything to them about this and I came to a, as far as I was concerned, pretty definite conclusion that he had not told either of them because he hadn't told me yet and me and Ashton were best friends; I was always the first that he told anything to. That was something I'd always liked and felt some sense of pride towards. With a defeated sigh, I picked up my iPhone and entered into my recent menu where I hesitantly pressed down on Ashton's name. On the second ring he picked up but there was silence for a moment, from both of us. "Luke," Ashton breathed out, relief was incredibly evident in his voice, "I need to explain to you-" "So you remember," I say down the phone, it was more a statement than a question and I didn't know where to take this conversation. I suppose I should just feed him all the questions I had conjured up in my …show more content…
I had to put aside how I felt right now, otherwise everything would become biased. I had to look at this as clearly as I possibly could.
"I can't tell you why I didn't tell you Luke..." he sounded so disappointed in himself; I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around this because me and Ashton were meant to be best friends. I told him everything, I told him the things that I didn't tell anybody else - even Calum and Michael, and I thought that our friendship put him in a position where he felt the same but I was apparently and unfortunately wrong about that.
"I'm so sorry," I knew he meant it but it's not like it changed anything. I felt so many different things: confusion, anger, hurt, let down, disappointment, the list could go on.
"I tell you everything, Ash! Why did I have to find this out because I caught you in the act?" my voice rose and I knew that I was getting noticeably angry and it had to stop. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut; this wasn't fair to him, "how long have you