Integrating Stages In Relationships

Introduction This relationship was, at first, very close knit, but with a lack of trust and communication, the relationship started deteriorating. I was in a relationship with a boy named Cole, where we dated for almost a year. At first, we were all for each other, we were attracted to each other, we were able to disclose with one another, we were similar, and thought we loved one another. We had known each other prior to the relationship but were only friends through church. Our relationship ended about a month ago due to the amount of arguing that was occurring. After analyzing our relationship, I realized that we touched each of these stages, initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, …show more content…
The integrating stage, to me, is more for people who are deeply in love. Although a lot of things turned into ours instead of mine they were not as significant as cars and apartments. People of the older age are more serious in relationships rather than younger people who are just infatuated with the idea of dating someone. Therefore, the way we integrated was much less simple than someone who is close to engagement or marriage. We started planning birthdays, Christmas, New year’s, and valentine’s day together as that sweet little couple who thought they were in love. “In this sense, the integrating stage is a time when individuals give up some characteristics of their old selves and develop shared identities” (Page 258). Just as many young people in relationships, we had each other’s initials in our Twitter and Instagram bios, showing people that we were officially together. After posting our first “official” picture together on Facebook, I remember one lady saying to Cole’s mother “I saw Logan and Cole’s picture on Facebook so I am assuming they are dating now.” We had finally made it to the stage in our relationship where everyone around us knew that we were dating each other. During this part of our lives, our relationship started requiring maintenance. Being positive and open with each other was the biggest maintenance that our relationship required. We would not only be …show more content…
The stage of terminating our relationship was drawn out way longer than it should have. Immaturely, I was broken up with over a text message, which left me with minimal sadness. I was out one night with some friends when I received a brief text message that read “I am done, it is over.” Although I did not want the relationship to end, I knew that it was best because of how unhealthy it had become. The following day, he was trying to get me back because he realized that he made a mistake and did not want to be without me. Knowing everything that had been going on and knowing his commitment to me was limited, I did not take him back. From this point on, things took a huge downward fall. I wanted to end things on a positive note where we had no drama between us. Unfortunately, ending on a positive note was not something we accomplished. “Depending on each person’s feelings, this stage can be quite short, or it may be drawn out over time” (Page 260). Although I was not the one that ended our relationship, I did not want to fix things, I was done for good. While he was begging for me back, I sent him a summary, engaging in “grave-dressing,” of why I was not going to take him back and thanked him for all he had done in my life. He could not grasp the fact that we were really broken up, therefore, he started to blow my phone up. I was receiving messages and phone calls