Hello Gerasimos, when I first read your topic, I had so many suggestions for you but then I realized that you pretty much covered everything and more in your outline. I like how detailed your outline is. You have a clear sense of what message or argument you plan to convey through your essay. I was able to understand where you are heading to with your main ideas and thesis statement. Though, I have few suggestions that might be accurate and work well for you.
• You may want to work on your introduction. Currently, it is sufficient and informative but lacks that “hook” element. If I were you, I’d probably go borderline praiseful and describe Prometheus as an impressive character, without citing anyone. I remember reading about how interesting …show more content…
I feel like how these two figures were so important should be the first paragraph and later paragraph(s) should focus more on the question “why”. This is pretty much what you did but since you did not give any examples about what real humans could do to get Prometheus’ or Jesus’ approval and love, it feels like it is lacking enough details. Maybe you can pull one of your sub points from the main idea 2 (for example, they were both people that others idolized after their sacrifice) and add it to the first paragraph about how these two figures were so important. We all know what people can do for Jesus’s approval but what did people do for Prometheus’ approval back in ancient days?
• I am also afraid that some parts of your essay may end up being repetitive.
• This comment could be wrong but I have one little suggestion with your works cited. Instead of using UPPERCASE for the names, you can capitalize each name. For example, instead of CROSBY, MICHAEL H., Crosby, Michael H. is I believe more appropriate. Though, I might be wrong.
It was really helpful for me to review your outline because going through each question Prof. Nayak provided made me realize that my outline is pretty much on the wrong track. I hope my comments were relevant and helpful. I wish you great luck with your
• You may want to work on your introduction. Currently, it is sufficient and informative but lacks that “hook” element. If I were you, I’d probably go borderline praiseful and describe Prometheus as an impressive character, without citing anyone. I remember reading about how interesting …show more content…
I feel like how these two figures were so important should be the first paragraph and later paragraph(s) should focus more on the question “why”. This is pretty much what you did but since you did not give any examples about what real humans could do to get Prometheus’ or Jesus’ approval and love, it feels like it is lacking enough details. Maybe you can pull one of your sub points from the main idea 2 (for example, they were both people that others idolized after their sacrifice) and add it to the first paragraph about how these two figures were so important. We all know what people can do for Jesus’s approval but what did people do for Prometheus’ approval back in ancient days?
• I am also afraid that some parts of your essay may end up being repetitive.
• This comment could be wrong but I have one little suggestion with your works cited. Instead of using UPPERCASE for the names, you can capitalize each name. For example, instead of CROSBY, MICHAEL H., Crosby, Michael H. is I believe more appropriate. Though, I might be wrong.
It was really helpful for me to review your outline because going through each question Prof. Nayak provided made me realize that my outline is pretty much on the wrong track. I hope my comments were relevant and helpful. I wish you great luck with your