The Boys Will Not Like You
I remember back in early 2010, when I first began my journey as a debutante I would wear my makeup a little darker than what was okay and dress a little more tomboyish than what was acceptable for a lady presenting herself to society. This upset my mentor, who always dressed nice, always had perfectly fixed hair, and looked as if she walked off the cover of Elle magazine. One day, my mentor uttered the words, “Honey, if you look like that and continue to act un-lady like, the boys will not like you.” “The boys will not like you,” she’d only say that to me and I learned it as, “you are you, the boys will not like you.” That was her way of telling me that what I was doing wrong and it needs to be fixed immediately because boys like women a certain way and what they thought determined whether you were a dime or a penny. “The boys will not like you,” has resonated through my thoughts and that was the first time that I looked to boys to define my worth.
In 2010, my best friend came out as a transgendered woman. She met her first and last boyfriend who never called her beautiful for he was embarrassed of what the other boys would think. Later that year, I lost my best friend to the sharp knife of rejection. In her letter, she told me for the last time, “Boys are harsh, but what a blessing it would have been to have one love me for me.” She spent her whole life hearing, “If you are you, the boys will not like you.” Not too long after, my father would come home wearing his favorite cologne, “Tennessee Whiskey” by Jack Daniels. I became the victim in front of the gun of his words and daddy’s pretty little angel became his, “burden”, “fatty”, “disgusting”, “ugly” little demon. The last words he spat to me were, “I don’t love you and no boy ever will.” Another variation of, “you are you and the boys will not like you.” In 2011, I met the first boy aside from my father define my worth. He had deep blue eyes that resembled the sea and I was the sea captain, staring at them with such reverence. He was my favorite cup of earl grey. He told me that he liked girls with black hair and confidence. The ones that poetry came easy to and reminded him of his favorite piece of art. I didn’t have black hair and I wouldn’t dare show confidence of a body that should have never been made. “If you are you, the boys will not like you,” creeped into my thoughts and later that week, I dyed my hair black and I learned how to fake confidence and not yet had he called me beautiful. Two months later, he took me on my first date and he did not compliment my new dress or the way I looked and I thought for the third time knowing this boy, “you are not beautiful.” One day, he told me that he found someone else and that, “we were soul mates, but now is not our time to love each other.” But what I heard was, “You are you, and I don’t like you.” We dated an entire two years and not once did he call me beautiful so that must’ve meant …show more content…
He told me about his new lover and I saw his face light up when he spoke of her—“Bailey…” “Bailey…” I was too lost in the sea of his eyes to care. Then he said, “She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” The water slowly moved onto the beach and attached like anchors to my body; it dragged me out into the middle of his sea. I found myself drowning in not was a beautiful sea at rest, but a sea overwhelmed with the rumble of the wind. I went home that night and stared at my reflection in the mirror and I cursed god and I cursed my mom, and I cursed my father the most ( I look like him) for making me. “You are you, I will not like you,” is what I scolded and I said it over and over to let it rest and create a home in my
I remember back in early 2010, when I first began my journey as a debutante I would wear my makeup a little darker than what was okay and dress a little more tomboyish than what was acceptable for a lady presenting herself to society. This upset my mentor, who always dressed nice, always had perfectly fixed hair, and looked as if she walked off the cover of Elle magazine. One day, my mentor uttered the words, “Honey, if you look like that and continue to act un-lady like, the boys will not like you.” “The boys will not like you,” she’d only say that to me and I learned it as, “you are you, the boys will not like you.” That was her way of telling me that what I was doing wrong and it needs to be fixed immediately because boys like women a certain way and what they thought determined whether you were a dime or a penny. “The boys will not like you,” has resonated through my thoughts and that was the first time that I looked to boys to define my worth.
In 2010, my best friend came out as a transgendered woman. She met her first and last boyfriend who never called her beautiful for he was embarrassed of what the other boys would think. Later that year, I lost my best friend to the sharp knife of rejection. In her letter, she told me for the last time, “Boys are harsh, but what a blessing it would have been to have one love me for me.” She spent her whole life hearing, “If you are you, the boys will not like you.” Not too long after, my father would come home wearing his favorite cologne, “Tennessee Whiskey” by Jack Daniels. I became the victim in front of the gun of his words and daddy’s pretty little angel became his, “burden”, “fatty”, “disgusting”, “ugly” little demon. The last words he spat to me were, “I don’t love you and no boy ever will.” Another variation of, “you are you and the boys will not like you.” In 2011, I met the first boy aside from my father define my worth. He had deep blue eyes that resembled the sea and I was the sea captain, staring at them with such reverence. He was my favorite cup of earl grey. He told me that he liked girls with black hair and confidence. The ones that poetry came easy to and reminded him of his favorite piece of art. I didn’t have black hair and I wouldn’t dare show confidence of a body that should have never been made. “If you are you, the boys will not like you,” creeped into my thoughts and later that week, I dyed my hair black and I learned how to fake confidence and not yet had he called me beautiful. Two months later, he took me on my first date and he did not compliment my new dress or the way I looked and I thought for the third time knowing this boy, “you are not beautiful.” One day, he told me that he found someone else and that, “we were soul mates, but now is not our time to love each other.” But what I heard was, “You are you, and I don’t like you.” We dated an entire two years and not once did he call me beautiful so that must’ve meant …show more content…
He told me about his new lover and I saw his face light up when he spoke of her—“Bailey…” “Bailey…” I was too lost in the sea of his eyes to care. Then he said, “She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” The water slowly moved onto the beach and attached like anchors to my body; it dragged me out into the middle of his sea. I found myself drowning in not was a beautiful sea at rest, but a sea overwhelmed with the rumble of the wind. I went home that night and stared at my reflection in the mirror and I cursed god and I cursed my mom, and I cursed my father the most ( I look like him) for making me. “You are you, I will not like you,” is what I scolded and I said it over and over to let it rest and create a home in my