Dods.Session 1.Journal
To see me today, most wouldn’t know the trials and tribulations it took to get to this point in my life. They wouldn’t know that just three and half years ago I almost ended my life. That I felt so alone and hopeless. I did not see any other way out of the despair that my life had become.
However, God as merciful as ever, did not only help me out of that dark hole, but he has lead me down a path since then that I would never have imagined.
Having lived a life of hope for many years, I always knew I could do anything I put my mind too.
Little did I know, that one person would enter my world and literally drag me down into anger, fear, and self-loathing. I do not want this to be a bashing session on my ex-husband Jeff, …show more content…
I went back home to my dad. Jeff and my kids were there as well. Instead of abortion, I choose to give the baby up for adoption. It was a true blessing for a couple who wanted a baby, yet couldn’t have their own.
Jeff and I remarried, not because it was something I wanted, but because it is something I thought my children needed. For the next 7 years, I would live the same life I lived for the first 11 years of our marriage. Then one day in 2013, my then 16-year-old daughter, after witnessing her dad yell and scream at me, for something he in fact had done, asked me a question: “Mom, why do you stay with someone that treats you like dirt?” The next day I got an eviction notice, the water was shut off, and also received 24 hour disconnect notices for the gas and electricity.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I wrote 3 letters: One to each of my children. I also wrote a letter to the man I admired most: My father. All my migraine medications were set out on the table; there were about 45 somas, 25 percocite, and something else that I cannot ever recall. …show more content…
I cannot take anymore! If this is not what You want, then stop me!” At that moment, my phone rang, and it was my brother in Arizona, asking me why he all the sudden had a deep dread and urgency to call me. I lost it and told him everything. Within 2 months he had me on an airplane, and away from Jeff.
That did not fix my anger towards God, nor did it bring me back to His grace, or back to being a faithful follower of Him. It just put me on the long, hard road to get out of the dark woods and back to the sunny beach. After about a year I finally started to see where God had always been, but I had chosen to ignore Him and follow my own path: Taking control, when I should have just stayed His passenger. By being the woman he designed me to be, not the woman that I allowed my ex-husband to create.
It leads me, to where I am today. Taking this leap to help all those I can, whether they be in an abusive relationship, victim of rape, abused child, or even a drug addict. To show that everyone, no matter what they have done, or not done, that every man, woman, and child are worthy of not only His Love but also His Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness.1 Corinthians 13:7-8, “It
To see me today, most wouldn’t know the trials and tribulations it took to get to this point in my life. They wouldn’t know that just three and half years ago I almost ended my life. That I felt so alone and hopeless. I did not see any other way out of the despair that my life had become.
However, God as merciful as ever, did not only help me out of that dark hole, but he has lead me down a path since then that I would never have imagined.
Having lived a life of hope for many years, I always knew I could do anything I put my mind too.
Little did I know, that one person would enter my world and literally drag me down into anger, fear, and self-loathing. I do not want this to be a bashing session on my ex-husband Jeff, …show more content…
I went back home to my dad. Jeff and my kids were there as well. Instead of abortion, I choose to give the baby up for adoption. It was a true blessing for a couple who wanted a baby, yet couldn’t have their own.
Jeff and I remarried, not because it was something I wanted, but because it is something I thought my children needed. For the next 7 years, I would live the same life I lived for the first 11 years of our marriage. Then one day in 2013, my then 16-year-old daughter, after witnessing her dad yell and scream at me, for something he in fact had done, asked me a question: “Mom, why do you stay with someone that treats you like dirt?” The next day I got an eviction notice, the water was shut off, and also received 24 hour disconnect notices for the gas and electricity.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I wrote 3 letters: One to each of my children. I also wrote a letter to the man I admired most: My father. All my migraine medications were set out on the table; there were about 45 somas, 25 percocite, and something else that I cannot ever recall. …show more content…
I cannot take anymore! If this is not what You want, then stop me!” At that moment, my phone rang, and it was my brother in Arizona, asking me why he all the sudden had a deep dread and urgency to call me. I lost it and told him everything. Within 2 months he had me on an airplane, and away from Jeff.
That did not fix my anger towards God, nor did it bring me back to His grace, or back to being a faithful follower of Him. It just put me on the long, hard road to get out of the dark woods and back to the sunny beach. After about a year I finally started to see where God had always been, but I had chosen to ignore Him and follow my own path: Taking control, when I should have just stayed His passenger. By being the woman he designed me to be, not the woman that I allowed my ex-husband to create.
It leads me, to where I am today. Taking this leap to help all those I can, whether they be in an abusive relationship, victim of rape, abused child, or even a drug addict. To show that everyone, no matter what they have done, or not done, that every man, woman, and child are worthy of not only His Love but also His Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness.1 Corinthians 13:7-8, “It