John Bowlby's Secure Attachment Theory

John Bowlby’s psychoanalysis regarding the connection between relationships and the connection or lack of with our parents, particularly, maternal care. Bowlby used his own childhood experiences as a starting point to question, then research, the effects of parental separation on children and how those experiences carry over into adult relationships. Maternal care is greatly necessary to the development of a child’s personality. Bowlby challenged the preconceived notions that showing kindness does not oppress and spoil a child. (Bowlby & Organization, 1970)
Growing up with two loving parents, two brothers, and a sister did not present anything odd. Ordinarily, our days were calm, fun-filled, and loving. Boarding school was not a thought, not …show more content…
Bowlby states there are three different attachment theories: Avoidant Attachment, Anxious Attachment, and Secure Attachment. The attachment theory I most connect with is Secure Attachment. The video informs us that it is a “rare ideal” (The School of Life Channel, 2015) however, meeting basic needs like security, food, water, clothing and a roof over our heads, mother and father satisfactorily provided them. Self-esteem and self-actualization needs were met after graduating into adulthood from my parents’ home - which is an organization in itself. (Adler & Proctor, …show more content…
The duo had a little girl who was born a month after my husband. His maternal grandmother quietly told him at a family dinner two month after the wedding and he kept it to himself. Why she chose to tell him that information at that time and place is a mystery. The separation from his father to cleave onto another woman was one thing but to find out that his father raised his daughter while he chose not to see nor raise my husband hurt him deeply. Knowing his father decided to raise a daughter and not his son could have been what triggered my husband’s reaction to our daughter. The mind is complicated. Bowlby focused a lot on maternal attachment but paternal issues are there too and our marriage did not survive it. My husband had some kind of breakdown that prevented him to develop a close relationship with our daughter; he would avoid being around her. Nevertheless, over four years of trying to work out the issues with compassion, hopefulness, and patience, he continued to shut down and run away rather than be rational and communicate so healing the wounds could