Writing Analysis
Looking through my past work, I found an essay which I enjoyed writing. The essay prompt was on explaining how dangerous war has become. I was really into the prompt but the research on it was limited so I couldn’t really get far with my sources. While reading the essay I noticed the paper sounded as if I wrote it the night before(which come to think of it I probably did, I mean it was high school). I feel like I was aiming to make the essay sound as tragic as war is but still have an informational tone; just as Germany did in WW2, I failed to reach my goal. My essay didn’t succeed because my intro was all over the place, I had a strong thesis but my evidence was not supportive, and I was for some “odd” reason attached to the fact sex was used as a weapon.
First of all, as I read the introduction, I felt a wave of shame run through my body, although my message was introduced; the intro sounded more like a body paragraph then an intro. As seen in my essay “This refers to all the new weapons, increase on civilian deaths and the chaos …show more content…
Every chance I got the quote was brought up once again even if it wasn’t really part of that paragraph. I’m kind of creeped out by the thoughts of how many times I said it to the point that i counted the amount and it was eight times. The first time it was in the right place; but the second time it came after the quote “As seen in csmontior.com suicide is a new type of war weapon in Iraq.” that quote and paragraph had nothing to do with rape or STD’s therefore it shouldn’t have been brought up. The third time was in the conclusion that also didn’t any sense and it was only two sentences “In conclusion, I said stop warrior after ww1 have become more violent. Rape and STD’s are use as a weapon and thats not acceptable.” I have no idea what I was thinking as I typed the conclusion since it’s obvious i couldn’t even type proper
Looking through my past work, I found an essay which I enjoyed writing. The essay prompt was on explaining how dangerous war has become. I was really into the prompt but the research on it was limited so I couldn’t really get far with my sources. While reading the essay I noticed the paper sounded as if I wrote it the night before(which come to think of it I probably did, I mean it was high school). I feel like I was aiming to make the essay sound as tragic as war is but still have an informational tone; just as Germany did in WW2, I failed to reach my goal. My essay didn’t succeed because my intro was all over the place, I had a strong thesis but my evidence was not supportive, and I was for some “odd” reason attached to the fact sex was used as a weapon.
First of all, as I read the introduction, I felt a wave of shame run through my body, although my message was introduced; the intro sounded more like a body paragraph then an intro. As seen in my essay “This refers to all the new weapons, increase on civilian deaths and the chaos …show more content…
Every chance I got the quote was brought up once again even if it wasn’t really part of that paragraph. I’m kind of creeped out by the thoughts of how many times I said it to the point that i counted the amount and it was eight times. The first time it was in the right place; but the second time it came after the quote “As seen in csmontior.com suicide is a new type of war weapon in Iraq.” that quote and paragraph had nothing to do with rape or STD’s therefore it shouldn’t have been brought up. The third time was in the conclusion that also didn’t any sense and it was only two sentences “In conclusion, I said stop warrior after ww1 have become more violent. Rape and STD’s are use as a weapon and thats not acceptable.” I have no idea what I was thinking as I typed the conclusion since it’s obvious i couldn’t even type proper