Much of my life, love has been defined by an unexplainable and uncontrollable feeling that burns inside your soul. One that when you look at a person you will just know …show more content…
The thought rushed in my head out of nowhere and I sat in the chair afraid to make the slightest of movements. I was petrified with fear. I was afraid for two reasons; one being the lost of life and the subtopic under that as described by Charles Macknee in his paper. The second being my doubt in God and the existence of an eternity with him. Fear related to the loss of life is the first thing that left me the chair for the longest amount of time. Loss of mastery, in much of my life mastery is what hold me together. Knowing that I have control of most of my life makes be better able to face life, but that also make me a neurotic, which then creates large amounts of stress that I can’t mange. To not be able to plan my next steps after death and know where I’m going gave me a lot of anxiety, and to give up my choices to the will of other forces left my head spinning in endless circles. Fear of incompleteness or failure was a sizable part of this time of paralyzed fear I had. Fears of never having been in love, having children, married, successful career, fully accepting myself, telling more people about Jesus Christ, and achieving all my goals and dreams in life. This was the fear of never having lived. To be so close to it but then having it taken away before I could achieve it all. Lost of mastery and fear of …show more content…
To know that love is something of my own will and not based off feelings that are felting and conditional to situations, and death is out of my control but the fear reflects how I’m living my life. These topics have brought me to a fork in the road, do I continue down my current path of fear or choose the one with knowledge and commit to exploring that knowledge and allow myself to grow and continue learning and to keep changing my map and discovering more of who I am and how I really wan tot live my