When Lily finally received her status as a member of the Lu family, she immediately began putting it to use. On Snow Flower’s Sitting and Singing ritual, Lily forced Madame Wang to go out and hire 3 girls to come to the ceremony, using her in-laws position in the city to convince Madame Wang. “I was sure that my new married status to the best family in Tongkou would be persuasive, yet I could just as easily be talking out of my behind." This is what Lily tells us, but is it true? (See 128) Lily is convinced she is doing the right thing by using the money for Snow Flower’s good, but she isn’t able to see that all Snow Flower wants is the company of her laotong. She threatens the hired girls to make them do their best and she didn’t try to cheer Snow Flower up, instead she sang depressing songs, and never comforted her best friend. On Snow Flower’s Day of Sorrow and Worry, Snow Flower expressed her feelings by singing, “I thought we would soar together-two phoenixes in flight-forever. Now I am like a dead thing sinking to the bottom of a pond. You say we will be together just the same. I believe you. But my threshold will hardly compare to yours.” (See 131) As we keep reading, it is clear that Lily never fully understood what Snow Flower was trying to say in this passage. Snow Flower compared herself to a dead thing, sinking lower in a pond, …show more content…
Lily reacted to this by not writing back, not trying to get an explanation, moving her daughters foot binding just so their two daughters wouldn't be laotong because of the grudge. (See 222) It could be said that this was selfish of Lily, that she didn't want Snow Flower to have any other friends, that she was jealous. In this, I disagree, I think Lily just didn't read far enough into the letter, that they were both at fault for not stating her intentions clearly. Although Lily thought she was doing what was best by the Confucian Ideals, she wasn't doing the best for Snow Flower. She had no experience of what a real friendship looked like, so she was blind to what was happening between her and her laotong. Lily wanted love for so long, and when she never received it from her mother, she didn't know how to show it to Snow Flower, she wanted what was best, but that usually meant hurting Snow Flower in the end. Even as Snow Flower was dying, Lily kept trying to help her, to save her, she couldn't see that it was over until it was. (See 236) Neither Lily or Snow Flower were bad people, they were just raised under bad circumstances, neither knowing truly how to show love or